Touching with our voice

As we are now all practicing “social distancing”, it got me thinking about how we can still keep our emotional closeness. One way of cultivating closeness is through our voice. While what we say is important, I want to explore how we say what we say.

When we interact with each other, our highly evolved social nervous system is operating mostly without our awareness. Seemingly small details like the rate of speech and vocal tone actually communicate a lot of information that affects the dynamics of our relationships. The more we consciously affect the pace and quality of our voice, the more we can cultivate trust and deeper connection with others.

Have you ever noticed that you feel anxious when you are with someone talking fast? I notice when I am with such a person, I have to be diligent about slowing my breath just so I can stay calm and grounded in our interaction. I also notice I work harder at understanding what the person is trying to communicate. I also know that I have been guilty of fast-paced talking too. I remember when I was in my initial professional jobs after college that I think I overwhelmed people when giving presentations. I was all caught up in wondering how I was coming across. In other words, I was not being present with my audience because I was all caught up in my thoughts. I am sure I also had no idea how my breathing was. A slowly paced breath is the key to experiencing presence with oneself and others.

The other way we can touch others with our voice is with the quality. This aspect of voice is more nuanced, but let’s look at an area of interpersonal neurobiology that can explain the importance of vocal quality, as well as offer ways to develop this quality. There is a long meandering nerve called the vagus nerve that runs to and from our brainstem and stomach, innervating many important organs along the way including the heart, lungs and throat. There is a lot that I could write about the vagus nerve. If you are curious to learn more, Stephen Porges and his Polyvagal Theory is fascinating. From an anatomical point of view it is the main facilitator of the mind-body-spirit connection. It is also highly implicated in how we internalize our social interactions into our nervous system. Do you remember when your mom would say “watch your tone” (like I just said to my daughter the other day)? This is what she was intuiting. Although this part of our nervous system primarily functions unconsciously, we can improve its functioning consciously through practices that stimulate the vagus nerve, improving what’s called vagal tone.

Two of the main practices for improving vagal tone are yogic breathing and chanting. Coincidentally these are also two main ways to improve our vocal tone. The tonal quality that facilitates trust in social interactions is called prosodic voice. We intuitively know this voice. It is the voice that we naturally go into when talking to our young children or pets. It has a more melodic and softer tone instead of being low, loud and booming or high-pitch and piercing. These tones evoke threat and alarm.

As you spend a lot of time at home with your partner and other loved ones, you may as well take the opportunity to work on how you are vocalizing. And if you are physically separated from loved ones, here is an opportunity for you to reach out and touch them with your voice.

Namaste,

Stacie

Practicing Eros Yoga:

The first practice of diaphragmatic breath is foundational for affecting your pace of speech and voice prosidy. Chanting is also known to develop vagal tone (the tone of your vagus nerve), resulting in a prosodic vocal tone.